Listen to a reading of Khalil’s story.
What happened?
Khalil was alone in his room with nothing to do. It was Friday night, usually his favorite time to play video games with his friends or catch up on his discord gaming feed.
But a few evenings ago, Khalil was doing just this when a classmate, Noah, called him a very offensive name after they failed in the game they were playing together. Khalil knew Noah by association from his grade. Noah was white but Khalil thought he should know that name would be offensive. When it happened, Khalil was stunned into silence. They restarted the game and Khalil tried to ignore the pit in his stomach.
Unfortunately, Noah didn’t stop at just one word. The next day, as Khalil scrolled through his social media, he saw more racially charged names in mean comments from Noah on Discord. Immediately feeling a rush of anger, Khalil tried to stand up for himself and wrote a comment back to Noah pointing out that it wasn’t an okay word to use.
Other classmates of theirs began to add to the chat too. “What’s the big deal?” taunted a friend of Noah’s. Someone else said, “it’s just a joke,” and another added, “don’t be so sensitive.” The conversation was spiraling out of Khalil’s control.
“Leave then,” they told him. “Nobody wants you here.”
Khalil spent that night alone in his room, dejected. He had dealt with depression before and could feel himself sinking into those feelings again. Now, two days later, Khalil hadn’t felt like gaming much since then. He wasn’t sure it was significant enough to share with his friends, and he didn’t want to bother them, but he also still felt hurt and alone.
What did he do?
The next night, Khalil decided if he didn’t want to play video games, maybe he could spend time with his sister, Simone. He walked into her bedroom, where she was working on homework, and leaned against her desk.
“What’s up?” she said.
“Not much,” he replied, “I’m just bored.”
“Why aren’t you playing Fortnite with your friends?” Simone asked, looking up at him.
“Oh, uh,” Khalil stammered. “They’re busy.”
“But it’s Saturday night,” Simone said.
“Yeah, and you’re doing homework,” he teased.
“I’m studying for a chemistry test,” she replied defensively. “You’ll understand when you’re older.” There was a friendly mocking smile in her expression.
Khalil rolled his eyes and said, “No thanks.” They both chuckled.
“So really, what’s up?” Simone repeated, her brow furrowed in concern.
Khalil hadn’t planned on sharing what happened with his sister. Just like with his friends, he was afraid of being a burden to her, but it was really eating up at him. He suddenly felt nervousness swell in his chest, and he looked down at his hands contemplating how to answer.
Maybe she’ll have some advice, he wondered. She is four years older than me. She might know what to do. As much as Khalil and his sister liked to tease each other, he also knew Simone usually gave helpful advice.
“I don’t really think I can play video games with those guys anymore,” Khalil finally answered, his voice subdued in embarrassment.
Simone, reading the shift in his tone, closed her chemistry textbook and motioned for him to join her sitting on her bed. As he did so, he began to explain the events of the past few days. Simone nodded along, listening carefully. It felt good to get it all off his chest.
“I’m really sorry, Khalil,” Simone said when he finished. “That was really insensitive, and it’s okay to feel upset about what Noah said.”
Khalil nodded, his throat suddenly tight, and Simone continued, “I’ve had a classmate call me that once too.”
“Really?” Khalil asked.
“Yeah,” she confirmed. “They didn’t understand when I told them it was wrong either. Sometimes people don’t realize the impact their words can have.”
Khalil didn’t know what to say, but he was grateful to hear his sister’s reassuring words.
“I hope you know I’m here for you,” she said.
“I do,” Khalil said, feeling more confident. “And thank you.”
“Any time,” she replied. “Hey, maybe you could also talk to your therapist about all this.” Khalil had started seeing a therapist six months ago to help him deal with his depression. He really liked his therapist and was happy his sister suggested that.
“That’s a good idea actually.”
“I’m full of good ideas,” she joked, smiling again.
“Very funny,” Khalil remarked. He thanked his sister again for her suggestion and for listening.
“Do you want to go get some food in a bit?” she asked. Khalil accepted her offer, excited to spend time with his sister.
He returned to his room for a little while to let her finish studying and listened to music to feel calm. He decided he would bring the situation up to his therapist when he saw her next week. Khalil thought she could share strategies on how to regulate his emotions and react in situations like these. He wanted to honor his feelings of discomfort and disappointment without allowing racist comments to have power over himself and his identity.
He considered how he’d bring it up to his therapist, and brainstormed questions to ask her, like what tools might be useful in a future conversation with someone like Noah. Maybe I can share some ideas with Simone later too, he thought.
In the meantime, he decided to leave that toxic Discord group. He had other friends he could game with, and he also enjoyed gaming on his own.
Khalil realized his sister was right: sometimes people didn’t understand how their words could hurt. But, with people like his sister, kind words could go a long way too.
Written by Lauren Myers
Want to try the skills Khalil used?
Talking to Someone in a Crisis
Understanding and Responding to Online Harassment
Responding to Microaggressions
Want help now? There are free and confidential hotlines available 24/7. Call/text the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. For Black and Brown youth and LGBTQ+ youth of color, call or text 800-604-5841 to reach Call BlackLine.