Listen to a reading of Billie’s story.
What happened?
Billie’s classmates have been leaving hurtful comments on her Instagram and TikTok posts. It started a couple of months ago with an Instagram post of her and her friends. Most of the comments were friendly and complimentary, but Billie’s stomach sank at the handful of classmates commenting rudely on her size and the clothes she wears.
At first, she tried to ignore the mean comments, but they kept coming with other posts she made on TikTok too. A few boys even sent her inappropriate direct messages which she deleted without replying.
Billie loves dressing in colorful outfits that express her outgoing personality. But lately, every day when she gets ready for school, Billie wonders if people will judge her or make fun of her body and clothes.
This morning, Billie chooses a dull outfit and tries to ignore the pink extensions in her box braids. Her mom spends a lot of time doing her hair, and she doesn’t want to seem ungrateful, but Billie can’t help feeling a little uncomfortable when her classmates stare at her new hairstyles. She easily stands out as one of the only Black students at her school.
Even worse is when they touch her hair without permission. It makes Billie feel violated even when they say they mean it as a compliment. None of her other classmates receive unwanted attention to their hair, so why does everyone seem so fascinated with hers?
This afternoon, Billie’s mom wants to go shopping for her birthday, but Billie feels dread, rather than excitement, at the prospect of picking out new clothes. She loves fashion and spending time with her mom, but it’s hard to soothe the nagging tug of anxiety in her stomach when she thinks about clothes and her body.
At the mall, Billie avoids her mom pointing at the selection of vibrant sweaters and instead heads straight towards a rack of oversized black T-shirts. They spend a few minutes in the store, Billie trying to brush off her mom’s suggestions of patterned tops and tri-tone jeans.
At the register, Billie can hardly meet her mom’s eye when she asks, “Are you sure this is what you want?” Billie hands her a couple of plain T-shirts, a pair of dark blue jeans, and a gray sweatshirt.
Billie nods, “Yeah, thanks Mom.”
“You’re welcome,” she replies, though with evident concern.
What did Billie do?
During their car ride home, Billie’s mom finally confronts her.
“Is there anything you want to talk about?” she asks.
Billie feels tears welling in her eyes realizing what her mom is referring to and considers answering dishonestly. She knows her mom will listen but she’s not sure her mom will understand.
Billie’s been facing the stream of unkind comments on her own. Now, after weeks of feeling uncomfortable in her own skin and doubting herself, she decides it’s worth reaching out for help.
“Well,” Billie begins, “there are some kids at my school who have been leaving mean comments on my posts and making me uncomfortable at school.”
Her mom listens thoughtfully as Billie hesitantly explains the situation.
“I’m sorry, sweetie,” her mom says. “It’s hard to be a young girl and feel your confidence shaken. It happens to all of us, questioning and comparing ourselves to others. But you are beautiful, Billie.”
“You have to say that. You’re my mom,” Billie sighs.
“Yes, I am your mom, but I also style hair for a living and I know yours always looks good,” she says, and Billie laughs. “I know it’s hard being a Black girl at a white school, but I want you to be proud to be a young Black woman.”
Billie nods, feeling a little bit better at her mom’s reassurance.
“I also want you to understand that those comments weren’t okay. It might not be a big deal to those kids, but it is a serious issue, especially when it comes to racist microaggressions. Do you know what those are?”
“I think so,” Billie answers.
“When people touch your hair without permission or comment on your body because it’s different from theirs, that’s invalidating and offensive,” she explains. “I think we need to talk to your school about this. I know coming forward about these things can be hard. Do you think you’re ready to do that? I can be there with you if you’d like.”
Billie feels the tangle of nerves in her stomach intensify, but she can see how her mom is right. Now that she understands how serious they are, she can’t dismiss the microaggressions she faces in school and online. Maybe it really is time to stand up for myself, Billie realizes.
Later that evening, Billie creates a plan with her mom to see the vice principal this week. In the meantime, her mom also shows Billie how to change her Instagram and TikTok settings to block negative comments and limit which followers can interact with her posts.
Even though she’s still intimidated by the upcoming meeting they’ve arranged, Billie feels empowered knowing she’s taking a stand to protect herself. She breathes a sigh of relief scrolling through her Instagram now, no longer dreading what she might come across.
Afterwards, she spends the night choosing a new braid style and a special outfit for her birthday, while watching reality television with her mom. She’s tired of allowing others’ opinions to control how she presents to the world. It’s time to reclaim that power for herself.
Written by Lauren Myers
Want to try the skills Billie used?
Black Girls Smile Mental Wellness Toolkit
Talking to Parents About Negative Online Interactions
Guides for Protecting your Wellbeing on Social Media
How to Improve Body Image and Self-Esteem
Want help now? There are free and confidential hotlines available 24/7. Call/text the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. For Black and Brown youth and LGBTQ+ youth of color, call or text 800-604-5841 to reach Call BlackLine.