Listen to a reading of Lydia’s story.
What happened?
Lydia laughed and joked on FaceTime with her best friend Sydney. Sydney and Lydia met last year in the 9th grade. They connected with each other the first day they were assigned lab partners in Biology class as they liked the same celebrities, clothes, and activities. They had been best friends since and did everything together.
As she listened to Sydney rant about her favorite celebrity gossip, she thought about something that happened at school that day she wanted to tell her best friend.
“Sydney, I forgot I have something to tell you,” Lydia said.
“Ooooh, what is it?….Are you blushing?” Sydney asked excitedly.
“I’m so embarrassed thinking about it, oh my God, but let me tell you the story,” Lydia said shyly.
Lydia usually was private when it came to boys, but she felt that since Sydney was her best friends that she should know who she likes. After all Sydney had told her about the boy she likes. So, she told Sydney about the boy she developed a crush on for the past few months and how he helped her carry her books to the English class they shared. Sydney was excited for her friend as this is the first time Lydia has opened up to her about anyone at school.
“You should message him and let him know how you feel. You two have mutual friends and know of each other. He probably likes you back! You never know,” Sydney said squealing.
“I don’t know, he was probably only being nice to me because he saw I needed help carrying my books. I kept dropping them on the ground,” Lydia said hesitantly.
“Don’t think like that Lyd! You will never know if you don’t try. You know I’m here supporting you no matter what he says,” Sydney said reassuring her best friend.
Lydia was uncertain. She was afraid of what he would say if she confessed her feelings to him. She was also very curious what he would say, because he was a nice guy and likable to be around. So, she grabbed her phone and messaged Nate on Snapchat. The two conversed about their English homework and other things until she decided to let him know how she felt.
After she let him know, he told her that he didn’t feel the same way back. Although she felt sad and embarrassed for telling him, he reassured her that it was okay and that her confession wouldn’t change their friendship. The next day, Lydia called Sydney to tell her what happened. As she explained, Sydney interrupted her.
“Lydia, look at the screenshot I sent in our messages,” Sydney said concernedly.
As Lydia looked at the screenshot, she was mortified at what she discovered. The screenshot was the conversation between her and Nate on Snapchat and he posted it on his private Instagram, making fun of her. He made comments about her physical appearance, especially the shape of her eyes that are a part of her Korean features. She saw comments that agreed with Nate that she wasn’t his type because of her race and other stereotypes towards Asian people– things she heard before, especially during the pandemic.
What did she do?
She grew quiet and held back tears. She didn’t want her friend to hear her break down on the phone. Lydia felt embarrassed and her confidence spiraled downwards. It had already been low. She had expected that Nate would reject her, but she didn’t think he would make fun of her for telling him her feelings. She was confused because he texted her back and reassured her that it was all good but then made fun of her, even about how she looked.
Lydia started to second guess herself. She had always been proud to be Korean but now felt conflicted. She thought boys didn’t like her because of her ethnicity and race. She started to think she would never be anyone’s type of girl. Lydia didn’t realize she had zoned out until she heard a voice on her phone.
“Lydia, are you still there?” Sydney asked worriedly.
“Yeah, I’m here,” Lydia responded back as her voice began to crack.
“I’m sorry this all happened. I feel like it’s all my fault because I suggested telling him your feelings,” Sydney said.
“No, it’s not your fault Sydney. I did it because I thought I had a chance at someone liking me back. I already knew he would reject me,” Lydia said as she broke down in tears.
“You should never have to feel like that. He didn’t deserve you anyway. Don’t change yourself for someone else,” Sydney asked.
Lydia appreciated and valued Sydney’s support and that she came to her defense against Nate in his Instagram comments. Still, she couldn’t shake the feeling that Nate said these things and didn’t face any consequences. She was reluctant to tell her mom as she didn’t want her mom to worry. So, she decided to tell her guidance counselor, Mr. Kim. She had a close relationship with him as he was also the advisor of the Asian Student Association she was in.
She visited Mr. Kim’s office during her lunch period and asked if she could talk to him. She explained the situation of what happened between her and Nate. Mr. Kim said he was sad to hear of her situation and that what Nate said wasn’t okay. After he listened and validated how she was feeling, they talked about activities she usually does that help when she’s feeling stressed, including some of her favorite hobbies like making digital art and baking her grandma’s recipe for chocolate chip cookies. They made a plan to talk again next week to see how she was feeling. She was reassured that her guidance counselor cared about her not only as a student, but on a personal level.
She received tons of comments from Nate and his friends, but she felt a lot better knowing how to deal with the situation. She felt reassured that people like Sydney and Mr. Kim had her back and would support her no matter what.
By Ashanti Mclaurin
Want to try the skills Lydia used?
A Mighty Girl: Recommendations for Media Female Empowerment Media
Responding to Microaggressions
Why it is Important to Be Proud of Where You Come From
Want help now? There are free and confidential hotlines available 24/7. Call/text the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.