What happened?
“We look so cute in this pic!” Jenny leaned closer to Maria, tilting the screen towards her girlfriend to show her. In the picture, Maria was kissing Jenny on the cheek, and Jenny was beaming, a wide grin on her face. “Do you mind if I post it on Instagram?”
They had been dating for a few months now, and most of their friends knew at this point. But Jenny was popular and a lot of people from school followed her on Instagram. Maria hesitated, but seeing how happy Jenny looked at the idea, decided it would be okay. “No, I don’t mind. It is adorable.”
Jenny posted it, tagging Maria and captioning it with a few heart emojis.
Later in the day, Maria checked her DMs. She saw the usual couple of messages from friends, but also one from Cody, who she didn’t really know that well. She would see him in the hallway sometimes and she knew he had asked Jenny out once.
It was one simple word. The slur she knew was reserved for girls like her: d***. She opened it and decided not to respond. What was the point?
When he saw that she read it and didn’t respond, he started commenting it on her past posts. She deleted the comments and blocked him, but he just made another account and started doing it again. She privated her account, and tried to put the whole thing out of her mind.
The experience still stung, knowing that simply existing happily made her a target of hate. It was making her feel more anxious and on-edge than usual, even though he couldn’t really say anything to her anymore, at least not online. She could avoid him in school for the most part, but not forever. She wanted someone to support her, but she didn’t want to make Jenny feel bad for posting the picture. She went to the kitchen, where her mom was cutting up vegetables.
“What is wrong with him?” she asked her mom.
“Oh sweetheart, he probably just liked you and was disappointed. I wouldn’t take it too seriously.” Her mom continued preparing dinner.
“Um, it’s not flattering, Mom. I don’t know how to respond.”
“Just ignore him. You’ll be fine.”
This was not the support she wanted. She realized she wanted to feel like her feelings mattered, like someone recognized how hurt and angry she felt, even if it didn’t seem like that big of a deal to her mom.
What did she do?
At school, she left homeroom and walked to the counselors’ office. Mr. Benning had little signs stuck to his door, saying things like “This is a safe space for all!” and a little rainbow circle, so she felt like he wouldn’t be homophobic to her at least. It felt embarrassing to ask for help after her mom waved it off, and she was still worried that he wouldn’t understand what it meant to her, but she knew it was part of his job to listen to her.
She took a deep breath and peaked in the door to his office. He smiled and waved her inside as he always did.
“What’s going on, Maria? Everything okay?”
She explained the situation to him, staring at the floor.
“That’s awful, Maria. I’m really sorry that happened. No one should have to experience that. You don’t have to, but if you want to share this person’s name, Principal Bannil and I could sit down and talk with him or to his parents.”
“I don’t know if I’m prepared to do that.”
“That’s completely understandable. Just know that we take this seriously. Do you want to come back and check in with me during homeroom next week?”
Maria nodded. He asked a few more questions about how it had affected her and made her feel. They spent the rest of homeroom talking through her options: trying to talk to her mom again, talking about it with Jenny, talking about it with another friend, going to a therapist. She knew she could find a way to exist, comfortably and completely herself. She didn’t know yet what that looked like exactly, but she believed that she could figure it out, even if it required some help.
Written by Sam Kirshman
Narrated by @kennedysofine
Want to try the skills Maria used?
Trevor Project: Protecting your wellbeing on Instagram
Want help now? There are free and confidential hotlines available 24/7. Call/text the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or contact the Trevor Project, a crisis hotline specifically for LGBTQ youth, by calling 1-866-488-7386 or texting START to 678-678.